Thursday, 3 December 2009

An enviable position, or is it?

So I'm 41, My youngest daughter turns 17 in Feb 2010 My eldest daughter is 22 and lives with her boyfriend, My Son lives in London and is a trainee Stock Broker. 

I sold my business over 12 months ago and although I still have some investments and interests although I am largely retired. Is this a good thing or not? I'm not sure. There was a certain sense of achievement at first when I decided that I'd had enough stress to last a lifetime and made the choice to sell up. Now however I feel at a crossroads.

I've done so much in the past 41 years that It feels like I should be much older than 41. Mum died tragically when I was just 10 and I left home as a rebel at 16 with nowhere to live. I have been in business since being 18 (I'll post about this one day) and from humble beginnings I was fortunate enough to own and operate two factories in different industry sectors. Along with this success came a great deal of responsibility and stress especially when trying to juggle a divorce, 3 kids, and a string of relationships. 

So back to today. I'm retired, I have no staff placing demands on me, no more running around after the kids (I've bought them all cars and my youngest will be driving in a couple of months). Initially it was fun, I bought a big cruiser and rode to a friends house in France and then onto Germany. (see picture of the bike strapped onto the ferry from Dover to Calais) I've enjoyed countless lazy days, but now I'm painfully aware that I don't have a plan, I don't have any goals, I don't actually have a reason to get out of bed and that is now a concern. 

When I was young and living in a small flat in a poor part of town I obtained a book entitled "The lazy mans way to riches" It was wrote by a guy name Joe Karbo and at the time I considered it my greatest asset. A major lesson in the book was to set goals, detailed, lucid goals as if you had already achieved them and then to review them regularly. This I did as a naive 16 year old, I listed mainly material things as that is what I considered important back then, I wrote 3 goals in my Filofax 24 years ago. They were:

1) I own a Ferrari In Rosso Red with Cream Leather interior
2) I own a Gold Rolex with Diamond Bezel
3) I own a large house in Cheshire

In 2000 I bought my first Rolex, In 2002 I part exchanged it for an 18 ct gold Rolex with diamond bezel and dial

In 2001 I bought a large house in Cheshire, In 2004 I bought a Ferrari 355 GTB In Rosso Barchetta Red with Crema leather.

And now, that is the problem, I have no goals, nothing to get up for, nothing to fight for. Don't get me wrong, I no longer want to chase material possessions, it was fun getting there. I can't describe to you the feeling of driving a Ferrari up to your Fathers house but the reality is, living at that level, having to fund that lifestyle (unless you're a celebrity) is mighty hard work and exceptionally stressful. 

So I've sat and thought of new goals that I would like to set and yet I can't think of a single one! Why is that? I have dreams of moving overseas, nothing fancy, just somewhere warmer than the UK but I seem to have lost my Mojo. 

Am I content then? no, quite the opposite, I'm still a little bitter about my divorce or rather the effect it had on me and my kids, My youngest was just 6 at the time her Mother had an affair. When we split my son stayed with his mum, my eldest daughter stayed with me and my youngest daughter split her time between her mums house and mine. Despite my best efforts I know they've missed out on things. My ex wife has been single since that brief affair and has fought a drink problem for the past 6 years or so. It was all so unnecessary in hindsight. 

I've found myself turned 40 and at a crossroads. I've been parked up at these crossroads for over a year now, It's time to pick a route and move on. Suggestions on a postcard please!


  1. Hmmmmm....I'm thinking....(I'm blonde, so give me a little while)
    You are intriguing, I must admit, but something tells me, you already know that :-)

  2. I've been called many things Sharon but I think you may be the first to call me intriguing! :)