Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Environ Skin Peel - For Men!

Environ Skin Peel

This article is updated over 6 weeks in chronological order as the face peel treatment is carried out

As a guy I'd never considered a skin peel or for that matter any kind of male beauty treatment up until recently. Being a man I'm cursed with having to shave and so I get to see my face close up each day. At 43 as you can imagine after years of sun damage, parties, cuban cigars and general wear and tear my complexion when viewed close up has all the qualities of a breeze block.

Whilst talking to a web design client and friend recently who owns a beauty salon in St Helens, Merseyside the topic of rough skin came up. Lisa, the owner from Omni Therapy Rooms is already an Environ stockist and authorised treatment centre. In addition to the facial treatments already offered her salon has now added Environ Skin Peels.  Skin Peels are popular but predominantly with Females.

Lisa is keen to attract more Male clients to her salon not just from St Helens but from around the North West and so asked if I'd like a course of Environ Skin Peels free of charge in exchange for her being able to photograph it at each stage and also for me to blog about it. The promise of ugly duckling into a swan or in my case Mickey Rourke into Daniel Craig was enough for me to agree! I knew I'd get some abuse from my "Blokey" mates but after a lifetime of being comfortable wearing pink shirts I knew I had broad enough shoulders to carry it.

Lisa asked me a few questions and we completed a form. She explained the procedures and asked if I had any questions, Bear in mind that I'm a bloke and so all that I can recall from that conversation is a few words such as fibroblasts, collagen and dermis, and was I allergic to Asprin? The rest was white noise i'm afraid.

The area around my eyes and upper cheeks are particularly rough, I've been plagued on and off with the odd blackhead in this region and so having tackled them in the past in true bloke fashion (dremmel, tweezers, squeezing, various power tools) the skin in that area is like a woodpeckers front door and in desperate need of restoration.

Lisa gave me some special Environ Face Wash and some Environ Moisturiser to use for the next three weeks prior to my first session. This stuff is loaded with Vitamin A apparently. Later that day I received 6 appointment confirmations on my iCal, one each week for six weeks. As a bloke, I was impressed with the technology of receiving the appointments electronically and being able to confirm my attendance when my reminder goes off on the iPhone.

For the next three weeks I used the face wash and moisturiser religiously and to be honest I could see an improvement already in that my skin seemed to have a really healthy glow. If i'm honest I was quite surprised at this. Up until now I've been skeptical about beauty treatments and the claims made about them. Shampoo adverts even make me smile as words that are invented by marketing agencies are banded about on screen whilst Cheryl Cole struts her stuff and tells us she's worth it, which I suppose if I'm honest she is! I digress... Seriously though, I really was impressed with the healthy clean look that my skin had already. I was quite looking forward to the treatments now.

Environ Skin Peel Treatment One

My first appointment was last week and prior to the treatment Lisa took a photo. I was told that this was a results driven treatment, I had lots of questions this time around and Lisa answered them all fully. The Environ Skin Peel uses a variety of acidic gels and creams instead of the more traditional acid solutions normally associated with skin peels.
After 3 weeks on the Environ Vitamin A face Wash and Moisturiser but before the first skin peel treatment.

These products are designed to remove the horny layer of the skin (it's ok to smile at that phrase) whilst preserving the waterproof layer of the skin. The Environ Skin Peel repairs skin cells whilst encouraging cell exfoliation. The products used during the treatment preserves as much of the epidermis as possible whilst at the same managing to get a safe yet highly effective dosage of hydronium ions into the dermis.

The Environ Skin Peel treatment is effective on the following skin conditions

  • Acne
  • Acne Rosacea
  • Problem Skins

So lay on the treatment bed and wearing a device to keep the products from getting on my hair the treatment began. I'm not certain just how many stages there were in total, I'll pay better attention next time but from memory I'd say that there were eight separate products applied over the course of around 45 minutes. All the sensations were pleasant and relaxing, some were tingly, some cool but all enjoyable.

Lisa told me all about Environ, It's founder, the products and the ethics behind the products, To be honest it was quite fascinating, rather than me go into detail you can read more about Environ Skin Care on the Omni Therapy website here.

The treatment ended with a fantastic thick and cool face mask being applied, I had the option of it going around my eyes or straight over them. I opted for going over them and the sensation is fantastic! I can see now why beauty treatments appeal to females. After the treatment my face felt really small, I know that sounds odd and I'm not normally stuck for words but it felt smaller, tighter, like when you put on a pair of freshly ironed jeans. 

We decided not to take a photo after the treatment and to stick to doing it prior to each treatment weekly. Lisa gave me some Environ cream for sun protection and gave me some instructions which I forgot as soon as I got into my car. 

It's Tuesday as I am writing this, I'm due back for treatment two tomorrow, I've still been using the vitamin A face wash and moisturiser and my face is looking better, certainly around the trouble area. I'll keep you posted after my next treatment.

Environ Skin Peel Treatment Two

Today I had my second treatment at Omni Therapy Rooms in St Helens. Before the treatment Lisa took another photo. You can see that the skin actually looks rougher around the problem area so the last treatment along with the daily home wash and moisturiser is doing something. 

Environ Skin Peel Week 2
Taken immediately before the 2nd skin peel treatment

I paid a little more attention this time around and it turns out that there are actually nine steps to each treatment. These are

  1. Pre cleanse and extraction
  2. Exfoliate
  3. Cleanse
  4. Tone
  5. Active Peeling Treatment
  6. Mask
  7. Eye Gel
  8. Moisturiser
  9. SPF (sun protection)
I've noticed already that the general condition and tone of my skin looks a lot better however as I already mentioned the problem areas look more pronounced. My treatment today started with Lisa paying particular attention to impurities that the products from the last treatment have brought to the surface. Whilst she did this we chatted more about the end result and also the cause of the blackhead problem in the first place. I asked Lisa that if the treatment was successful what was the likelihood of the blackheads reappearing in the future? Lisa explained that the treatments should remove the bacteria but also smooth the surface of the skin therefore making it difficult for bacteria to reestablish itself again. 

In the words of Environ, 

"The Skin Peel treatment is specifically designed to address problem, acne & acne rosacea skins, this gentle peeling treatment helps to clear the complexion and calm inflammation. Mild forms of lactic acid are used to destroy bacteria, boost hydration and remove the build up of dead skin cells on the surface of the skin, helping to decongest the skin and smooth its texture."

I think I mentioned in the previous update that I was a little skeptical about the effectiveness of beauty treatments, well to be honest I still have been to a degree up until today. Although there has been slight improvements each week, I'm a bloke and therefore impatient, I want enough RAM in my Macbook so I can have a billion windows open and never see the timer wheel, I want enough BHP in my car so I can put my foot down and go from 60 - 120mph in a nano second and I want my local Chinese to deliver dinner the moment I put the phone down! After todays session however I had a pleasant surprise!

Once Lisa had removed the elastic device from my head that stops any products going onto my once golden locks I immediately went over to the mirror to fix my hair (yeah, yeah!) anyway, whilst doing this I happened to look at my face and it was REMARKABLY different! The rough areas of skin were just not visible! Instead there was a noticeably smooth finish around my eyes and upper cheek areas. I have to admit I was impressed, so impressed in fact that I subconsciously started to pout like Daniel Craig! 

I suggested to Lisa that maybe we should photograph it again to show the immediate and impressive change but we both agreed that we would be better sticking to taking a photo before each treatment in the interests of continuity.  So, assuming that I dont fall face first onto a hedgehog during the next 7 days you should see a big difference on next weeks photo. 

For more information on the Environ range contact Omni Therapy Rooms on 01744 633445, to hire me as a Daniel Craig lookalike contact me on 01744 .....  :)

Environ Skin Peel Treatment Three

It's getting to be a regular treat, lying on a treatment bed each Wednesday afternoon having various creams and gels applied to my face that cool, tingle and relax my skin. As always we took a photograph before the treatment started. 
Taken immediately before the third skin peel treatment

This is a harsh test as although the photo is only taken with Lisas phone, it's a latest model, high end Samsung with a HD camera, and the shot was taken in the treatment room with variable daylight depending on the weather and really is a laid bare snapshot. The difference in my complexion is subtle and yet very apparent. The area of problem skin is now looking much more smooth and clean. The difference is more noticeable in an everyday situation and looking at me full frontal so to speak!

Lisa had come up with a better solution to the device that covers my hair for this session. As I wear some product in my mop to keep it from taking on a life of it's own, the device that she normally uses messes with my hair when it's removed so this week I wore a hair net!

(I've just proof read this and realised just how feminine that last sentence is, none the less I'll leave it in.)

We chatted a lot through this treatment about pretty much everything except the treatment and so the time passed really quickly.

As always the treatment ends with the most incredible thick and cooling algae based face mask that I opted again to have over my entire face including my eye lids. This apparently helps to remove any unwanted cells and also drives the products deeper into my skin locking them in as the pores close up.  All very technical blokey stuff then!

I'm now half way through the treatments. Initially I was a little skeptical as I did mention. To see the results so far is quite amazing really. I hope that the photographs are able to demonstrate the change up to date. After my final treatment I'll put the first and the final photos together for a better comparison.

There may be a break for a week or so in the update as I'm on holiday shortly.  I'm on strict instructions from Lisa not to apply zero factor Hawaiian Tropic oil to my face, apparently it's not big and it's not clever! 

Environ Skin Peel Treatment four and five

Ok, top marks to those who have spotted that I'm reporting on the past two treatments in one update. There are two reasons for this, the first being that my fourth appointment was the day after I landed back in the UK and so I simply wasn't paying attention. Instead I relaxed and enjoyed the sensation of a facial treatment. The second reason was erm, I was busy! yeah, that's it, I was really busy :)

So, you're looking for an update maybe? Well the changes are subtle week to week as the treatment isn't agressive however after my final treatment next week I intend to post a before and after shot. You may see a difference as I've gained a bit of a tan (despite me switching my usual zero factor Hawaiian Tropic for a more sensible factor 20 Environ Sun Protection)  and i've also shaved my lovely locks off for charity after an impromptu bet in the pub quickly turned into £1100 for breast cancer research! This has now rendered me bald (very nearly) and has made Lisas hair net redundant.

At weekend I was out with some friends and my Sister and Brother in Law. My Sister hasn't seen me for several weeks but was aware that I was having these treatments. The first thing she noticed when we met was the vast improvement in the overall look of my skin. That's quite encouraging really. 

It's worth mentioning also that the week before I went on holiday Lisa and Omnitherapy Rooms held an Environ Skin Analysis day at her Salon in St Helens. This involved having my photograph taken by an odd looking device that was linked up to a laptop which in turn was operated by a girl with such perfect skin, makeup, hair, nails, eyes, voice that I didn't pay the slightest bit of attention again! No seriously it was quite an eye opener, the photo machine I mean, not the operator! The photo was analysed in many different way and shown impurities, ageing etc. Lisa intends to report on this on her website later in the year so please bookmark www.omnitherapyrooms.co.uk .

So, back to the past two treatments. What we found is that the deep impurities had risen to the surface. These were extracted before the various stages of the skin peel were applied. 

Taken before the 4th Skin Peel
Looking at the these photos, the above taken last week before treatment started and the one below taken this week before the treatment that there is a difference just in one week. I can't wait to compare the week one to week six photos.
Taken before the 5th skin peel

I've just decided to enlarge all the photos that I've posted thus far, I suppose for vanity reasons I had them quite small originally but in the interests of journalism you can now see my hideous complexion. These certainly aren't the sort of photos you'd post on Match.com. So next week sees the last treatment. 

I'm sad about it coming to an end really as the whole process has been pleasurable not just because of how successful the treatments have been but because each session really is a treat. I've got used to each stage, the cleanse, the tingly bit (see above for the technical name of each stage) and my favourite stage the thick cool face mask! 

Check back next week to see the final results and for a conclusion.

Environ Skin Treatment Week 6

It was a sad day really, What I thought would be a chore has actually turned out to be a weekly treat. Not only is it rather relaxing to lie there having stuff put on your face but i've also enjoyed the conversation as Lisa is a switched on business owner and so the conversation over the weeks has explored many avenues as we've chewed the fat over business issues and opportunities. 

What is rather nice is that Lisa is as pleased as I am about the results that the treatments have received.  Take a look at the photo below, On the left is week 1 on the right is week 6. Click the photo to enlarge.

Skin Peel Results
Before and After

I'm sure you'll agree that the difference is remarkable really. The problem area particularly under the eyes has been eliminated. To be fair the photos don't do it justice either. If you click on them to enlarge you'll see the imperfections on the first photo quite clearly. If you were to see me in person then the results are really impressive. It's in the interest of journalism that we've focused on the same area in each photograph over the past 6 weeks.

So the question I suppose you'll be asking is, Would I have paid for this treatment? I've got to be honest and say that at first no I wouldn't. Yes my skin did have problems but like most guys over 40 I suppose I had just accepted it along with a few grey hairs and the odd back pain. I suppose I was unaware that there was an option. Now that the treatment is complete however then I would most definitely say that yes, I would pay for it. The difference is quite remarkable. What you can't see in this picture is that the skin has also tightened ever so slightly but enough to make a noticeable difference.

I've also continued with the Environ face wash and daily moisturiser.

Will I need repeat treatments? Apparently not. The problem had arisen through years of sun exposure, skin dehydration and inefficient cleansing. As long as I follow the rules, cleanse properly, use a suitable sunscreen and refrain from rubbing diesel onto my face then my skin should stay in good condition.

Whilst the challenge was to transform me from Mickey Rourke to Daniel Craig in six weeks, I'll have to be honest and admit that to date I haven't received any offers from Hollywood, No amount of facials, Aston Martins and Omega watches will make me look like our Mr Craig but, on a positive note I do look and feel much better. In fact that is an understatement. My skin was particularly poor. This treatment I suspect will be of interest to a greater number of females rather than males. On that basis it's perhaps a given that a female will have better skin than I did at the beginning and so the treatment will perhaps have an even greater effect.

If you live in the North West, Male or Female and you'd like to find out more about Environ skin peels or the Environ range of products then visit the Omnitherapy website at www.omnitherapyrooms.co.uk or speak to lisa directly on 01744 633445.

Thursday, 17 May 2012

50 Shades of Grey - Why all the fuss?

I couldn't help but notice the buzz that is currently manifesting itself all over the UK and indeed the rest of the civilised world.

Otherwise quiet and respectable Mummies are exhibiting strange behaviour, their status updates on Facebook hint of ripped jeans, light bondage and other erotic references. After a little digging I discovered that the catalyst for this wave of excitement amongst these ladies is a book entitled 50 Shades of Grey by a British Author E.L. James.

I haven't as yet read this book but I intend to despite its obvious market being female. The Authors own website describes the book as:

"Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever".

The book, the first in a trilogy, started out as fan fiction based on the Twilight stories. Originally released as an ebook, word of mouth and social networking lead the book to become viral. A publisher then paid what is reported to be a seven figure sum for the trilogy. The rest as they say is history albeit recent and this previously unknown British Author is now responsible for kickstarting the libido of females across the globe.

Discreet Erotica in the form of an ebook

Erotic fiction isn't new so why has Fifty Shades of Grey been such a success? The advent of ebook readers, most notably the Kindle has meant that our choice of book has become more private. You can read any novel on your kindle, ipad, phone, tablet in any environment without anybody knowing what you are reading.

In the past, housewives up and down the country have thumbed through the erotic fiction in the supermarket only to put the book back on the shelf so as to save the embarrassment of going through the tills with a book featuring a whip and handcuffs on the front cover. The ebook readers remove the need for such embarrassment as the book is securely delivered electronically to your chosen device.

Be it by accident or absolute brilliance, E.L. James has taken full advantage of this shift in technology and delivered erotic fiction that has brought out the horny little minx in every female who has read it.

You can be sure that there will be a flurry of similar novels released from now on as both amateur writers and publishers sit up and take notice. So, the secret it seems is to harvest as much information about the fantasies of our wives and girlfriends and mix these into a novel amidst a cast of powerful, sexy and dark characters.

I'm working on the outline as we speak! :)


I'm back

Right, So, an apology or at least an explanation as to my absence.

I've been busy, doing what, I have no idea. My life and my time has been consumed by various things none of which I'll blog about but rest assured that I now have time and the inclination to blog personally again. Whilst I've not been blogging personally I have been blogging for business and also doing various web design and SEO freelance work. You can read more about the SEO and Web Design work that I do by clicking here.

Ok so, what's new? Well I have more grey in my beard than the last time I was a regular blogger and my hair's a little longer (it's in the really scruffy stage at the moment as you can see on the pic, I'm attempting to grow it before it decides to fall out). Other than that, there isn't a lot to report really.

So, how have you all been? I've noticed reading through my blogroll that a lot of you have moved on, stopped blogging altogether in some cases, others have evolved as life has taken you down new paths of opportunity, trial and tribulation. Please pop by and say hello, and please accept my sincere apologies for my rude departure from the blogosphere, you'll see a lot more of me from now on and I promise to subject you all to pointless ramblings :)


Saturday, 31 December 2011

New Years Eve Or The Death Of This Year?

New Years Eve 2011 and i'm sat here pizza in oven and unable to talk following a rough dose of flu that as a parting gift rendered my speechless, literally!

I've wanted so much for this year to draw to a close, it's symbolic I think that the 1st of January really is a clean slate with yet another batch of skeletons, bad experiences and decisions locked safely away in the cupboard.

I got to thinking just what I've learned from this year, what is it I can take forward to make things better. In all honesty I really don't know. It hasn't been a good year for so many different reasons, personal and financial. I would have hoped however that I would be able to see quite clearly the reasons why the wheels had fallen off so many things but quite simply I can't.

Don't get me wrong, I can analyse past events and see what part my actions and reactions played in how events have unfolded but the most important motive for our decisions is emotion and sadly I feel unable to understand my own emotions. Things make us feel good and other things make us feel bad. It's that simple in essence but when we are immersed in situations that involves the feelings of others then very often things become unclear. We are able to base decisions on how we feel at any given moment. That would be rash however and as adults we try not to be rash, after all that's expected of us isn't it?

The conclusion I have come to is this. Regardless of age, experience and wisdom we are all children when it comes to affairs of the heart. Sure I can learn from financial or investment errors. I can ensure that those mistakes aren't repeated and put them in a box knowing that they were my fault, my responsibility. Personal situations however I really can't analyse in the same way, why is that? I think its because there are forces at play that simply cannot be quantified. Lust, love, trust, guilt, pleasure, emotions that we've all felt but rarely understood or even been able to control.

So in summary, I can offer you this. Don't berate yourself for your errors, for things you've made a right mess off. All we can do I suppose is to review for time to time what it is that's important to us, oh and talk about things! That is one important thing that I have learnt this year. I had been used to being unable to talk with past partners, simply and bluntly put I have had violent and unreasonable female partners in the past who would rather throw something at me or damage something valuable of mine rather than discuss any problems that I tried to raise. As a result if things are wrong in a relationship I tend to go quiet. Its been a self preservation tool. What I have learned this year is that not all females are this way and are receptive (well not receptive per se but certainly not violent) to any problems that I want to discuss.

Well my pizza is ready and so there's nothing more to say other than I wish you well for the coming year.


Sunday, 10 July 2011

321 you're back in the room

Its getting on for 18 months since I updated this blog, and if you were to press me for a reason for this barren period I would struggle to give one.

So what has changed? I'm 43 now, even more cynical and after another failed relationship I'm back where I started once again albeit with a heavier heart than last time.

So I'm guessing I'm not alone in this, a brief scan through my blogroll indicates that this emotional storm visits many of us on a regular basis. Why the fuck do we continue to build our defences so weak after the storm passes. We live on relationship fault lines as humans, we know that our happiness will one day without much warning disappear into a crevice in the ground and yet we continue to live in the faux security that a relationship seems to offer.

Great sex turns to fond affection and if you're lucky that remains, what usually occurs however is familiarity, then complacency and finally the final stale crumbs of the relationship smell of contempt. This is if the relationship lasts that long! Why is this? Why can two people not get it on long term? Is it our expectations? Two people need to constantly know that they have their partners approval, attention, affection. When these start to slip, which they inevitably will it seems, then negative feelings prevail, jealousy, rejection, confusion. The more you seem to be matched to that person the greater the risk of failure simply because of the high demands we place on each other. We each have different experiences to draw on from previous relationships, that in turn means we each expect something different from a new relationship, we each have different insecurities, expectations and ideas on how a partner should act or conduct themselves. We have different ideas about what represents commitment.  If our partner behaves differently to what we expect then we hurt, we question their actions and it destroys what we have.

So why then do we bother? Why risk giving it all to somebody knowing that there will be hurt down the line? I can't answer that, Maybe it's the endorphin rush that once experienced we will chase forever. Do we want life companions or do we just want to chase and be chased? I don't know. I suppose the answer is in the Hank Moody quote "Better to experience a morning of awkwardness than a night alone" or is it?

One night stands seem sleazy these days, it's not where I want to be. That said I don't want to spend my days alone, so what is the answer? Do we just need friends? Friends of the opposite sex maybe?

As religion plays a lesser part these days in the Western world, so too does marriage and all it stands for. Are we still trying to hum the tune that was forced upon us in childhood, Marriage, mortgage, kids? Is this a natural state I wonder, can man and woman live together happily for a lifetime? Should we just be friends, fuck buddies, holiday companions, should we lower our expectations maybe then we could all get along? We don't have these unrealistic expectations of our same sex friends so why are we each so demanding of our lovers?

The game goes on, day after day, even as I write this its safe to assume that thousands of people the world over are sitting or lying somewhere nursing that break up pain, Reliving the moments of intimacy, the look into each others eyes during lovemaking, the small moments of happiness and well being that were felt over the duration of the relationship and yet when the tears dry and the hurt subsides they will catch a glance from a stranger and get back on the merry go round once more.

It's fucked up, I can't say more than that, I can't even begin to analyse it and offer a summary other than it's fucked up.

Friday, 19 February 2010

Hoodie gangs - Someone is to blame

I called in at my local Waterfields shop this lunchtime and in front of me were two hooded teenagers. Clothed in the usual drab colours their "street soldja" image includes dark hooded top or coat or both, scruffy black tracksuit bottoms and dark coloured trainers or boots usually untied.

I was close enough to hear one of the creatures try to communicate "ow much are those like?" to which the lady serving replied, " They are £1.20 or 2 for £2.00" the creature then responded without making eye contact, "bangin' gis two den" . His street soldja comrades meanwhile were loitering outside communicating with each other at around 90db about the ample chest of a girl who had just passed by. After the creature had "bort his dinna" he joined the other pondlife and proceeded to generally be noisy, anti social and menacing to the "normal" people who were shopping. 

On the drive home I got to wondering how we can rid society from this gang culture that is now affecting every city, town and village in the UK. Look at the picture above, look familiar? Youths in drab clothing making stupid handgun gestures and generally being offensive and threatening to normal citizens.

I started first of all to think of the influences that these kids have. TV, music, movies and so on. I then discounted that as we all have influences. How many of you have watched the "Saw" movies? How many of you then have gone on to torture people beyond belief? exactly? So how about lack of opportunity? Ok I guess that is a problem. So why not bring back national service?

I'm serious, If a kid leaves school he should have 6 months to either secure further education, or employment. Failure to do either would result in National service. They would then be trained, shown some discipline and taught some respect for themselves and others! In return they would receive a training allowance. After 2 years they would have the choice to continue in the armed forces on full pay. 

Ok so that would deal with those of school leavers age but what about those who are still at school? Well this is where it gets simple. Who buys their clothes? who on Gods earth would allow their son to dress like the creatures in the above picture? Come on own up! I certainly wouldn't, My kids have worn some odd stuff over the years, In fact my son on nights out regularly wears Versace velvet jackets with multi coloured bowler hats! He lives in London and works in the city, He buys the clothes, he chooses to dress that way at weekend! When I was buying for him though there would simply be no way he would dress like a hoodie. 

I like hooded tops per se. As "sloggy" wear they are great, I own a few of them. I'll wear them on a Saturday maybe with combats and trainers. I own different colours, They are versatile. It's only when combined with all the other accessories such as black tracksuit bottoms with elasticated ankles, and black trainers etc, oh you know the script look at the photos above!

So, If you are one of those parents who allows their child to dress in such a way then do yourself, your child and the rest of society a favour, bin his clothes right now, even if he has to wear a dressing gown until the next pay day just get rid of them. In addition, if you see your son doing that stupid handgun gesture thing or talking like that Dizzy rascal bloke then 
1) Slap the little shit across the face, 
2) Ground him for a month, 
3) Remind him that he is not 50 Cent or Snoop Dog
4) Congratulate yourself for putting your foot down and accepting some parental responsibility.

Seriously and all joking apart, If your kid looks remotely like the ones in the top picture then aren't  you ashamed? If not then maybe you need to take a long hard look at yourself! This look just screams ASBO! which brings me onto another point. The parent of a child who receives an ASBO ( anti social behaviour order) should themselves be cautioned and warned that if it happens again then they shall have charges brought against them too. If an Employer can be held responsible for the actions of employees then I'm damn sure that parents should be held responsible for the actions of their child.

If you know someone who's child looks like this then PLEASE email this post to them. They need to be shamed.

Rant over! :)
PS If your child does look like this and this post has in anyway offended you, then GOOD! get a grip!

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

Brit awards - knobheads and fat f*cks


Last night the Brit awards were televised.  As usual it was an entertaining evening for all concerned  and this year the controversy came from the ego of  Liam Gallagher.

For those of you who have been cryogenically frozen for 20 years, Liam and his brother Noel were part of the incredibly successful Manchester band Oasis. Last night Oasis and in particular one of their albums "what's the story morning glory" were nominated for an award Best Brits album of the last 30 years. Liam made a surprise appearance to collect the award. 

Walking on stage with that daft swagger similar to that of Harry Enfield and Kathy burke aka Kevin and Perry you could just tell he was on a mission. The broadcasters chose to mute part of what was said but it is understood that between expletives Liam thanked his former band members but omitted to mention his Brother Noel. He then tossed his microphone into the crowd and left the stage. It is unclear if he also threw his award.

Oasis split up last year after Noel left saying "I could not work with Liam for a day longer".

The awards were being hosted by funny man Peter Kay who slightly lost for words at this bizzare action tried to lighten the mood by saying "what a knobhead" which seem to get one of the biggest laughs of the evening. Cick here to watch

But Liam's bad behaviour didn't end there.
During ITV2's post Brits coverage, Liam left his wife Nicole red faced after he asked her to come and take Class A drugs with him. The outburst was captured live on ITV2 as he was interviewed by her and her former All Saints bandmate Melanie Blatt. Click here to watch
It has also emerged that the star was involved in a backstage bust-up moments after walking off stage, when he shoved a young woman employed by Brit organisers to pose as a human statue outside guests' dressing rooms. After she stumbled back, the drunken star then launched himself at her a second time leaving her splayed on the floor in agony. The unprovoked attack was witnessed by dozens of onlookers who looked on in horror before rushing to help the stricken girl. Gallagher had to be restrained by two members of his own security team who wrestled him out of the backstage area and returned him to his seat in the auditorium.

Liam has always brought trouble to the Brit Awards. In 2000, Robbie Williams challenged him to a fight after enduring months of insults from him. 
In 1996, Liam accepted an award on stage from Michael Hutchence. But he humiliated the INXS singer by demanding: 'Why is a has-been presenting to the gonnabes?' 

Today, Liam has hit back at Peter Kay by posting the following on Twitter 
"Listen up fat f**k as a real northerner I was brought up 2 say s**t 2 people's faces not behind their back. Live forever LG"

I'm a Northerner, I'm aged somewhere between Liam and his brother Noel, As a Northerner I've actually discovered fire therefore I've given up acting like a caveman. I've learned to grow up and stop walking as if I've soiled myself, I've learned that bullying is simply not acceptable nor is dressing like John Lennon in the vain hope that you are a reincarnation of him. I would hazard a guess that calling someone a Knob head on prime time TV is on a par if not better than calling them to their face. 

An attempt to look cool by swearing a lot and throwing microphones on TV may have worked in the 1990s but your almost 40 Liam, The kids don't think your hip now, in fact they've all grown up and have got mortgages and kids themselves. Your an ageing rocker man, act like it. Learn a little decorum. If John Lydon can be a gentleman then you can be too!

Anyway, on a lighter note, Lady GaGa wore a stunning outfit! And welcome back Robbie!

Photo courtesy of The Daily Mail

Monday, 15 February 2010

Apr├ęs valentines day thought

Whilst reading a post on a fellow bloggers site the other day I noticed this quote in her left column. 
I asked permission for me to use it as it really struck a chord. So it is with Amy's (http://shewritesherenow.blogspot.com/) kind permission that I have shared this quote with you today. 

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. 
C.S. Lewis 

Saturday, 13 February 2010

Google it

I was preparing and valeting a car today, A late model Mini Cooper, for some reason the rear tailgate which has an electronic release wasn't working. Having checked the fuses which were ok I set about looking for a manual release mechanism but with no luck. I thought to myself, "I'll go indoors, make a coffee and Google it" Needless to say, I found a solution simply by typing the words "mini cooper tailgate not working" into the Google search bar

It wasn't too long ago (late 1990s) when I remember using a search engine called "toxic lemon" Then there was Ask Jeeves, Yahoo, Hotbot Asta Vista, Lycos and more.

In 1996 two students had created Google, According to Wikipedia "The name "Google" originated from a misspelling of googol which refers to the number represented by a 1 followed by one-hundred zeros (although Enid Blyton used the word decades earlier in "Google Bun"- Chapter IX, The Magic Faraway Tree) 

By 1998 the Google homepage still had "beta" on it but was considered by many to be better than the competition. 

From 1999 the company moved to Silicon Valley and then the growth was simply astounding. 
 Having found its way increasingly into everyday language, the verb, "Google," was added to the Merriam-Webster's Collegiate  Dictionary and the Oxford English Dictionary in 2006, meaning, "to use the Google search engine to obtain information on the Internet."

And that is what it is, It is a verb, one that is used everyday in this house. Not a day goes by when someone doesn't say, "Google it". The impact on everyday life has been immense. With just a few short keystrokes we can research history, find a plumber, discover who the actress was in a movie we watched last week. It really is astounding. When was the last time you used the Yellow pages? When was the last time you looked in an encyclopedia? The internet and in particular Google has and is still changing the face of the world. Google has one aim and that is to provide relevant content. As a result the algorithms that power Google are top secret. An entire industry based around finding out how to get websites to appear on page on of Google search results has been born overnight. Search Engine Optimisation Specialists or SEO specialists have sprung up all around the UK. These people are usually Web Designers who have experimented relentlessly and found what works and what doesn't

My new iPhone 3GS has a google app on it that is simply brilliant. You simply lift the phone to your ear, (the phone senses the movement), you hear a beep, you then speak whatever it is you want to "Google", look at the screen and the results are there! Brilliant!

Google has marketed itself brilliantly. It entered the market quite late but is one of the very few companies who has managed to get their brand recognised as a verb. Can you think of any other companies other than Google and Hoover who have achieved this?

Wednesday, 10 February 2010

Michael Jackson Autopsy, Dr charged with involuntary manslaughter

I was going to report on the Autopsy of Michael Jackson today however love him or hate him, after reading through the 50+ page publicly available Coroners report I felt that the last shred of dignity that the man had has now been taken from him. I understand that his Doctor has now been charged with involuntary manslaughter.
I realise that such an in depth autopsy was necessary as foul play was suspected however the level of detail disclosed in the report is, I feel, intrusive. 'll leave it to the tabloids to reveal the secrets that the autopsy uncovered about Jacko. I couldn't bring myself to publish it, he was after all a human being not just a media spectacle.

Personally, I wasn't a huge fan, I admired his work but also was puzzled by the way in which he managed to implicate himself in some bizarre and worrying situations.

Instead of publishing the coroners report which I feel is distasteful  I have found a link to full online auction catalogues of items from Neverland that were planned to be auctioned BEFORE his death. Some of the items are fantastic whilst others are vulgar. What is incredible however, truly incredible, is the amount of money this guy spent! Go and take a look:


Monday, 8 February 2010

What I'm currently reading (and proof that I'm in touch with my feminine side)

Ok, so the cover looks a little "Girly" I agree and I'll concede that I wouldn't have bought this off a shelf in a book shop for that very reason.
I'm glad to say however that I stumbled upon Maria's blog by chance and it was there that I discovered that Penguin had published her book. After following the link on her blog I read an excerpt (that word always looks and sounds wrong I think) and instantly purchased a copy on the strength of it.
It arrived Saturday and I read 16 chapters in one sitting, I also FAILED to attend a shooting competition on Sunday because I overslept after sitting up until way past the witching hour reading. I urge you to go check it out! The book (so far) is all things, humourous, sad, moving, emotionally charged and most of all incredibly well written. If you are female or male you will find it a great read. Incidentally guys, for reading in public you will find that a dust cover from a Jeremy Clarkson hardback will cover the "girly" outer up just fine and will also provide a perfect alibi for any outbursts of laughter that you may not be able to control.

Friday, 5 February 2010

PIG AIDS aka swine flu

So, as quickly as it came it would seem that there is no longer a swine flu pandemic in the UK.

The 24 hour helpline is now closed and the hysteria is over. Apparently around 400 people in the UK died from Swine flu. This figure is unconfirmed but is wildly lower than the estimated 65,000 deaths
Just because the UK has declared the pandemic over the international community will need the nod from the World Health Organisation in Geneva. An announcement is expected in the next few weeks.

I'll round up this brief post by asking you to consider this:

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastated most parts of Asia .

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimated Australian racing.

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic caused hysteria around the globe.

2010 - Year of the Cock...........?

Thursday, 4 February 2010

The Stephen Fry method of weight loss

I've had to resign myself to the fact that I'm lazy. Inherently so, in fact, I'm considered an expert at delegation. I think it stems from years of having staff around both in work and in the home. Although I only had a domestic at home I would often enlist a factory member or fitter if I needed some handy work doing. This was largely due to the fact that I worked long hours and so didn't have the time to do DIY. I also had a couple of rather keen PAs who would see to the day to day stuff like taxing my car, phoning my dentist, ordering lunch etc. Sadly, PA duties often spilled over into my personal life and things got messy once or twice! I digress!

Now that I've sold the business I have to do more myself and I'm cool with this as I now have the time. I still have a domestic though :) 

There is one thing however that I simply cannot delegate and that is exercise. I've tried joining a gym but it was full of mouth breathing Neanderthals who appeared to train beyond their limits and spent more time making primitive noises than they did training. Then there was a more upmarket gym that must have been run by Match.com and was full of ageing tanned females in Mercedes convertibles and greying businessmen reading the Independent in the bar! In the end I bought a rowing machine, strider and step machine and instantly converted one half of my conservatory into my own home gym.  That was last Summer.........

Last week I sold my gym equipment on ebay! In acknowledgement of my failure I stated in the listing that it had only been used 6 times and in true Ricky Gervais style I included the word "LAZY"

You see, I get bored easliy, I dislike training, it is such a bore. In summer I am very active but in Winter I lack the motivation to do anything and that includes sitting on noisy apparatus in my conservatory in order to stay in trim. As a result I have put a fair few pounds on since last summer. I read recently about Stephen Fry and his well reported weight loss. I rather like Stephen, He is an absolute gent, genuinely funny and incredibly well educated. He has suffered with Bi Polar over the years and despite other personal problems he still remains a thoroughly likeable person. 
Stephen lost 6 stone recently and other than some sensible changes to his diet like cutting out bread, potatoes and sugar his main change was that he started to walk everywhere. He listened to talking books on his iPod to pass the time whilst walking, he would walk to meetings, appointments and back again. To look at the pictures of him it is astounding! 

Now although I dislike training, I actually love walking! In addition, my little soldier (Cairn Terrier named Enzo after the late Enzo Ferrari) also happens to love walking and so this week we have started our fitness campaign! I am comitted to walking at least 5 miles each day, regardless of the weather, regardless of other commitments. I have just bought some more army surplus clothing, It is ideal for the crap weather that we have at the moment. There are so many good walking areas around where I live. Plenty of open spaces to let Enzo off his lead too. Yesterday I went over to a disused US airbase in Burtonwood Cheshire. The Range Rover has a dog guard in the rear so I put some doggy towels down as the weather was dire and drove over there. We must have been out for hours. Enzo had a great time running in and out of the bushes and I was quite happy mooching up and down the old runway service roads, a bit of Urban exploration if you like! The day before we had a walk around an area that was once a coal mine but is now a nature reserve. This is literally minutes from my home. The weather was much brighter but bitterly cold still.

So I'm hoping to get back to my normal weight soon and in the process bond a bit more with Enzo (who incidentally is charged with perimeter security at home, he takes his job seriously and has just been promoted to Corporal :) )

So Stephen, If you happen to follow the link from Twitter and read this post I should like to thank you for your inspiration!

Steve (and Corporal Enzo)

Monday, 1 February 2010

Shameless plug

Hey all, why not visit my other blog, it's in it's infancy just yet but it will be growing daily. 


It is aimed at people who are looking to make money buying and selling cars. I'll be giving away tips and tricks and will also be giving details of a book on the subject that I hope to publish in the coming months.